also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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