i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
