A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I cockslap morals
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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