I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
