We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
