READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
