Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
