Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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