Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
