my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
