based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
