U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
