This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
