I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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