Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
