mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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