Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
