Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
