apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
