for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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