Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
