that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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