Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
