I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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