I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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