Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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