If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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