i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
