Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize