absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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