You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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