So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
