So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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