When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
