better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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