also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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