Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Life is so much better after having sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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