So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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