I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
