I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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