What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
