either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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