Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
