i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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