batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
