I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
