Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
