So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
