I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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