rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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