dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
