How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
