i just wanna soil my oats bro
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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