Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
