Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
