man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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