Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
thus making me awesome and them whores
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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