so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sext me about skeletons
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
